Dear Hollywood...

Dear Hollywood, CA,

I know that we had a great honeymoon, I know that things started off great and exciting and everything moved so fast that we thought things were perfect. I know I made a commitment....
Alright...well...here's the deal...uhh...I maybe got just a little bit caught up in the moment...you see...it's not you, it's me. I know we've had our moments. But I was young and naive and just getting out of college when we met. I was ready to take any money thrown at me just to be able to survive and it's not that I don't appreciate what we had and what we have....but...I just think I'm not ready for a commitment at this time. I think we should see other cities/people.
I know we have to live together and I don't want things to be awkward in the meantime. I mean, I know I'm still going to live here for who knows how long, but I just want you to know...there is somebody else...actually...a few somebody's... I've been seeing Scottsdale, Chicago, Bloomington, West Palm Beach, Miami....and a few other one night-stands with cities I can't even remember the names of. ...Come on now Hollywood, don't be upset. You and I both know that this is only a business arrangement like Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie, Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes or Tom Cruise & Rob Thomas.

We are just too different. I mean - I'm DIFFERENT, but you...well you are just...hmmm...what's the expression...oh yeah - weird as shit. I mean, I even tried to dress like you to make things work, but it just wasn't me. The true me rejected your weird fashions like a bad heart. It worked for a while, but ultimately, I just can't live like that.

So where does this leave us? Well...hmm..good question. The problem is, you still have some of my stuff at your place and also, I work for your Dad Los Angeles. I guess I'll continue working. Things may be a little bit strange from here on out, but I couldn't go on living a lie Hollywood, I had to let you know how I feel.

I'm midwestern at heart, got a little bit of western flavor and I'm only with you because I've got to work in a creative field and of all the "creative" fields I've tried, this one matches up the best. I just wish I didn't beat around the bush so long, trying to do what other people thought I should, instead of facing the reality of what I was inevitably going to fall into. That's life I guess though. I mean, when I was going out with Scottsdale (I know you don't like me to talk about my ex's), I was drinking all the time and actually believed I would be happy just getting any old job instead of pursuing my dreams. Damn. Oh well.

Well...I guess the best thing to do would be for you to give me my shit back and we'll go from there...I'm sorry, but it has to be this way Hollywood. I'm sure, like most relationships, we will still hook up when we are drunk and not really officially break up until I find another (city). Damn, I really should have done a pre-nup.

Sincerely,

Yours Truly,

Best Wishes,

Congrats,

Get Well Soon,

B. Laesch IVXX

P.S. Maybe I'm just an idiot for even trying this whole thing...but I doubt it.