Chicago Bulls Moving to Hawaii? Yeah right.

The Chicago Bulls love the Hawaii Condo. If you don't...well...who doesn't?

You want to party in Hawaii? I do. Well guess what? Gebhard Properties has a new website! They are all about the Hawaii resort with ocean front vaction homes. You can rent on the Big Island and Maui! Not all vacation spots are the same, even in Hawaii...especially in Hawaii. GP owns...and...manges these custom homes, homie. Exclusive locations is where they are at. Where are you at? You aren't going to find better amenities anywhere else. Here are just some of the things they have: spacious living areas, custom furnishings, and artwork not found in even the finest of hotels. Gnarly dude!

Check the Hale Nani Loa Maka, our Kolea Villa. It's a 3BR/3BA penthouse located at the Waikoloa Beach Resort. It sleeps six and offers 2,576 square feet of living space. It practically owns the HI. It has it's own private elevator access and a gourmet kitchen and an extensive collection of Hawaiian art and an outstanding views of Anaeho'omalu Bay and Kileaua!Or maybe you would prefer the Hale Ke Kai? Gosh, you are so pickey. Well...their luxurious 3BR/4BA two-level private home in Kailua-Kona will comfortably sleep up to eight people. It too has full-sized kitchens and expansive lanais on both levels, two master suites, a private wading pool, and a location so close to the ocean that a whale might piss on you! Awesome!

What? Well...if you really want a taste of Old Lahaina, then book a stay at their incredible 2BR/2BA corner-unit condo now! It's on the third floor of the Mahana at Kaanapali Resort in Maui. Radical! It runs parallel to the ocean (or sea).Gebhart Properties arer there to give you the luxury, convenience and comfort that is rare nowadays. Browse their Hawaiian vacation homes and book today!

A Bulls win is good enough for me

No, I'm not talking about how "totally sick" I am bro. I'm also not looking for sympathy. I'm just bored and felt like going back to my roots with a myspace blog. haha. "My roots."
Anyway, I'm sick, it's 11:21 pm and it feels like I just woke up 2 hours ago. This day flew by. I'm on any medicine I can get my hands on and I'm watching the stupidest movie ever, "Twister." Why? I have no idea. I'm not really watching it, it's just on in the background. Bill Pullman is pretty sweet though. Him and Bill Paxton should team up to make a movie sometime where they just go around being badasses and beating people up for no reason. Then, after they beat them up, look at each other, give each other high-five and say, "We really are awesome." Now that's what I call a classic movie...or a piece of shit, I can't remember. Also, recent Oscar winner Phillip Seymour-Hoffman is in this movie. I can't believe he did this shit. I like Phillip Seymour-Hoffman but I absolutely hate his character in this movie. It's like a mix of Bill & Ted, every goofy character from any failed comedy and all the annoying parts of Jack Black. But who am I? I'm just a man with a laptop, way too many blogs and a dream...or 12. It's not like I'm starring in Summer blockbusters about tornados that show up, knock on your door, make monster noises and then tear the shit out of your house. All I have is a blog, and this cold that I can't get rid of. Damn it, I hate being sick.
Alright, I'm turning this movie off before it starts pissing me off and taking a shower. Late. (remember when people used to say late?)
-The Uninspired Blogger

Go Bulls!

I just drank a whole bottle of wine and watched Tupac: Ressurection. Also, it's been a while since I have written a blog so I think it's about time. That movie is fuckin crazy, but I digress. As I sit here in my empty house waiting to move AGAIN all I can think about is one thing....how I'm not going to pay a lot for this muffler, oh but also I have come up with the steps and actions you need to take to make it in Hollywood. This is how to become a huge star! In fact I am even teaching classes at the Red Brick Theatre on Tujunga Blvd. in North Hollywood, CA Thursdays @ 7:30 pm and Tuesday mornings @ 10:00 am if anybody is interested. You can audit the class for $35 bucks and then if you decide to take them they are $495 a month.... a pretty good deal in retrospect... But I digress again (if that's possible...I don't know if you can digress twice, shit I barely know what the word means...I am, however, the retarded poet) But I digress, shit I did it again, alright here they are:

1. Wear a really retarded hat: I've noticed that if you wear a really goofy/retarded/stupid hat to a club or out on the streets of Hollywood people will notice you and you will get signed with a commercial and theatrical agent, as well as signed to a 4 picture deal with Paramount. It works folks, just look at the cast of The Real Cancun. Bandeezies are the shit..kind of

2. Even if you have no talent or just think you are creative because you once wrote a freestyle when you were wasted, dress like a celebrity. Go out to the clubs/restaurants/streets of Hollywood/anywhere and no matter if you are inside, outside, or whether it's winter or summer, where a beanie(see step 1) and dark sunglasses. If you are really feeling important you can throw on a scarf and possibly a popped collar. This will show people that you are a famous celebrity that is living their outrageous live incognito depsite the swarms of fans and people wanting your autograph. People will say, "wow, they truly have arrived" when you cover up your entire face just to go to In & Out Burger (which is where 85% of Hollywood's stars were discovered including Al Pacino, Robert Deniro, Dustin Hoffman and Steve Guttenberg)

3. Sign up right now for a 5-year subscription to US Weekly. Contrary to popular belief, it is not Backstage West but US Weekly that is a more important publication for actors. It will teach you everything you need to know and make you the bestest actor in the world. Paris Hilton is really one to be admired and she shows her talent in the upcoming Thriller "House of Wax." Why James Lipton and the Actor's Studio are already raving about her performance. Plus, 5 former Real World cast members just had sex with her...2 guys and 3 girls. She kicked Stephen from Real World Seattle out of bed because she thought he was gay too.

4. This step somewhat coincides with step 3 but make sure you watch at least 2 hours of MTV a day. That's right, the channel that was cool when you were 13 can still be cool today if you just believe. Believe that wearing mesh hats and wristbands, even if you don't like them, makes you cool. Trust MTV with your vocabulary, style and worship of other celebrities such as Sisqo, Carson Daly, Kevin Federline, Nicole Ritchie, Kurt Loder and Gerardo. These people are really cool and you can be too if you mimic their every move. Trust me!

5. Even if you know somebody from an acting class, work or somewhere else, if you see them at an audition, even if they talk to you, act like you have no idea who they are or what they are talking about. This actually happened to me when some fag who thought he was too good to audition for a student film played like he had no idea what I was talking about when I said, "hey man, you were in that class I audited right?" When this happened, I sure thought, "Wow, Oscar's all the way. This guy is going to be huge. His average looks and Abercrombie style will have him starring in a reality show in no time and then it's off to the big time...Real World vs. Road Rules Challenges"

6. Put down and insult your fellow actors. Whether you are an up and coming wannabe or a child actor from a soap opera in the early 80's, make sure and insult your fellow actor. Do anything you can to keep them on a level below you. If they make a joke that everybody at the table thinks is funny, don't laugh. Afterall, they said it and you didn't. You can't have somebody showing you up, even at a club where everybody is drunk and nobody gives a shit anyway. It's always best to dis the people who could help you in the future because you think you are too good.

7. Well... now we are getting way too deep. Afterall, acting is all about how cool you look in People Magazine. It's not about talent or creativity, so we have to stop here. Shit Meisner himself knows that shit.

Bulls Love Gold/Silver

What you really know about us gold coins? Nothing you a-hole.

Most people know that via Monex Deposit Company (or MDC) you can buy silver, gold and/or other precious metals and coins for personal delivery, immediately, or you can set up them for convenient/safe storage at an independent bank and/or depository. Everybody knows that...right? They don't? Well...they should.The Monex companies have been America's gold, silver and precious metals investment leader for, like, thirty years, homie! Silver is a thing you need to invest in, dog. You can get it in coin or ingot form and shape. What are ingots? They are pure bullion cast, and in a convenient size and/or shape. Coins have currency value. Ingots define them. Now is the time to buy, dog. World demand for silver now exceeds annual production, and has every year since 1990.Now let's talk about gold. It too is available for investing in coin or ingot form. The same definitions apply for ingots and coins in this case. For centuries, buying gold has been recognized. It's one of the best ways to preserve one's wealth and purchasing power. Ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans and all the way up to modern man has always loved gold bullion. You are an idiot if you don't. Gold is fantastical magic. But today, the beauty of gold, and it's bars, is how you can diversify your investments with it. You can preseve your purchasing power!!!

The end of WWII was when the U.S. government (used to be the largest stockpiler of silver on the planet) has dumped billions upon billions of ounces of silver bars onto the world market. It's really affected depressing silver prices--which is good, because silver gets so down sometimes. Today, that government silver hoard is long gone. But, the government is now the silver buyer.

-American eagle gold coins are available in units of 10 one-ounce coins for personal delivery only. .9167 fine gold.

-Legal tender coin in the USA with a $50 face value.

-Available only for personal delivery in fractional sizes of ounce, ounce and 1/10 ounce, in units of 20 coins each.

Most silver analysts agree that the time to buy gold and silver is now. Monex prides itself on having the best us silver coin prices AND programs in the industry. There employees are hard asset professionals and are committed to serving your precious metals investment needs. They are America's best/awesomest dealer.

MJ Drunk

Three years ago I was just about to graduate from Arizona State University. A weird time in my life, I had no idea exactly what to do next... I still don't really know but I'm getting a lot warmer.
Three years ago I was just about to graduate from Arizona State University. A weird time in my life, I had no idea exactly what to do next... I still don't really know but I'm getting a lot warmer. Anyway, I was in a bar called "Next" in Scottsdale. I think it still exists but I'm not sure. (I'll let you know when I go back there in 2 weeks.)
I was hanging out, absolutely wasted, with a girl I was seeing at the time. (Actually the situation was more like her saying, "You are my boyfriend," and me kind of being like, "Der..uhh...ok, as long as we are hooking up, I guess this is cool.")
We were dancing and I remember dropping my bottle of Bud Light, but using my extremely excellent, athletically quick reflex skills to catch it before it shattered on the dance floor and I looked like an idiot (even more so then I already did at least).
And right after that my "girlfriend" (Don't get me wrong, she was cool. I just couldn't commit to anything on any level at that point in my life.) said, "Hey, there is Michael Jordan and pointed to the bar. I looked over and started laughing as I looked at a guy who was about 5'9" and looked like Urkel on Quaaludes. "Yeah right, that's not Michael Jordan," I said.
Then, about 30 seconds later she pointed again and said, "See I told you." I looked back and yeah, it was Michael Jordan, standing up to pay his tab. He was drinking with Kate Faber, the blonde girl who accused Kobe of rape. (Just kidding, I just made that detail up to make the story more interesting.)
The rest is kind of a blur but I think I just kind of stared and as he started to walk out I went after him, not really knowing what the hell I was doing. I got to him just as he was about to walk out the door and said something like, "Hey, Michael, I'm from Chicago (which isn't really true, I'm from Bloomington, IL). Thanks for everything! " and then I shook his hand, he laughed and said "No problem" or something like that.
Then, I am pretty sure I just stood there like an idiot realizing that I just shook hands with Michael Jordan and said the stupidest thing ever. I'm not really sure what happened after but I think I kind of just floated off to the side of the room.
I called everybody I knew back home in Illinois where it was about 4:00 AM, even my parents. I woke everybody up.
Then I took my "girlfriend" home and let's just say I was inspired (not that I wasn't before)...in my room...in my bed. Enough said. It's too bad that the greatness passed on by the handshake didn't translate to something else though. Something like...oh...I don't know, my career. (Just kidding, I'm about to blow up.)
It was awesome though. I think the whole time I heard the United Center crowd in the background and Johnny Red Kerr announcing. I really came through in the clutch. I was "Mr. Clutch," which, if you don't know, is my nickname in every gym across America as I come through with game-winning shots all the time. You can look it up...uhh...on Wikipedia or something.
Anyway, that's my story. Wasn't it awesome?
The real reason I'm writing about this though is that there is absolutely nothing else going on with me right now. Trust me, I've been trying to write blogs lately but there is just nothing interesting going on. I could easily force it and come up with something but nah. I need to be inspired yo... Unless you want to pay me... Then I'll come up with something like, real quick like.
Drunk Blogger, the Michael Jordan of blogging. Yeah I said it. What?

Cougars live in Scottsdale

I learned a new term this past weekend in Scottsdale: "The Cougar"
Definition:
Cougar = An older woman (preferably a MILF) looking for young men in their 20's. Also, SEE Sugar Mama.
These types of predators have been prevelant in Scottsdale for a while now, ever since Scottsdale joined our country as the 51st state and especially in my experience living there. It's good to know that now, there is a proper term for these creatures of the night.
I don't know how long the term has been around but I just learned it and I heard it used a few times in Scottsdale while I was there. Of course, this can be a little bit misleading. It's not necessarily a representation of the rest of the country because, when something is cool in Scottsdale, it spreads all over the city like wildfire and everybody is wearing/saying/doing it. This even goes for some girls there. Get it? Hey-yo!
Of course, most of the stuff in Scottsdale IS cool though so it's safe to assume that the term "Cougar," will be cool througout the rest of the country as well. Here is an article in the New York Post that came out in April, describing the hunt. It really is just as amazing as going on an African safari or a wildlife boat ride at Disneyland. Except, hopefully, you won't have to shoot the hippo to get it off of you.
The term "Cougar" is also great because you can use it to decode the goal of your mission so that you don't look like such a manwhore. For example, "I'm going to Barcelona to hunt for cougars. See you later."
Now to the untrained ear, this would lead you to believe that I was flying to Spain, to visit the great city of Barcelona where they speak Catalan (as well as Spanish) and hunt for wild cougars, as in the animal. But in actuality, I'm going to North Scottsdale, to the Restaurant/Club "Barcelona," to find...well, cougars and I will see you later.
Isn't that great? Do real, animal cougars even exist in Spain? Who cares!
So try it on for size next time you are a 25-year old male going out to a place where 40-year old women are on the prowl. Afterall, everybody is at one point in their life, a 25-year old male, so when you are, use the term "cougar." You won't be disappointed, and you can thank me later.
SIDE NOTE: When actor/comedian Rob Schneider uses the term "cougar," he isn't referring to older women. He is in a development meeting with Fox, trying to pitch "The Animal 2."
UPDATE: My buddy Timmy has pointed out that I should also check out urbancougar.com. I did. Damn. I have no more questions about Cougars now and, I'm way behind the times on this term.

Drunk Blogger provides the weekly 'Cougar Report' for Ranger Rick and National Geographic magazines.

Links are popular, if they have link popularity, dog

I want to talk about link popularity? So do the Bulls.

You've all gotta understand Google, and other search engines, and all the options you have for increasing traffic, and link pop. Google's algorithm is insane. They drive most results organically. They are much more complex than other search engines. They look at website's on-site factors and off-site factors, then they do their ranking. The offsite factors are roughly 35 to 45% of the importance to Google’s algorithm. Sweetness dude! Page rank isn't as big of a deal in Google's rankings as people think. It still matters, but since you can manipulate that shit, Google doesn't focus on it as much. They focus on links from other sites, going to your site. It's much better getting good links from sites with good page rank. The quality of the page that the link is on relative to your website and/or page it is directed to is very important. People forget that, and it's radical. And Google even looks at the link and where it's placed. If it's in the context, it's much better than if it's at the bottom of the page. Google also looks at the text that surrounds the link and determines how targeted that text is compared to the page that the link points to. Maybe I should have paid more attention in math class, instead of writing freestyle raps.

Some other things they consider and look at, Title Tag, H1 Tags and other META data. You better keep that shit in mind honky. Latent Symantec Indexing is also a new thing being tested. It determines how words relate to each other. Pretty crazy right? The factors that LSI looks at are the Title Tag and the textual content of the page that your link is on. What it all boils down to, is the most important thing is getting people to link to your site. The more the better. Mainly, people explore press release distribution, purchasing links from link brokers, reciprocal linking and link baiting. What they realize is, Press release distribution is the best way but it's also the most difficult because your press release can't be non-attention-grabbing (probably not correct usage of that). It has to draw people in. You can purchase links from link brokers. But you may get bullshit links doing that, at the bottom of the page.Exchanging links used to be a good way, but now, it's not really. It's not as big of a deal. Link baiting is good, but very difficult as well. With link baiting, you hunt out links, and bring the links to you through unique, popular site content. It's the natural way to do it. As we have seen with Web 2.0, the best way to increase link popularity is through blogs. They are almost always filled with good content, and you can talk about the links in the posts. If a blog links to something you are talking about on your site, you are set. You would need thousands of these to make a difference in your rankings, but this is how it would work. You need links from hundreds or even thousands of Blogs with the same concept and then you will see significant improvements in your rankings and the more popular the word, the more linking you will need. You can't do this yourself, unless you create hundreds and thousands of blogs, which would be insane and not work very well.That's why we have Blogitive though. They have more than two thousand blogs in their network. You can release a mini-press release through Blogitive and bloggers will get paid to write about it. It will definitely help with traffic. It's pretty sick. Check into it now.

The Bulls had the most wins in the East

They did. They were tied at least, but, not anymore. Nope. They messed that up. The freakin' Pistons keep winning. Damn it. Chris Webber's first Finals appearance this season? I sure hope not. The Bulls need Gasol. But...I don't think they should give anybody up. They definitely shouldn't give up Gordon, Deng or Hinrich. Shit. And Noce is a huge piece as well. What can they do? Who freakin' knows...but they need him, or a big man who can score. The New York Knicks keep winning. Shit.

Bulls Lose to Jazz

Damn it Bulls. You lost to the Utah Jazz? What gives? They used to always ruin the Jazz's championship hopes. Now, they can't even beat them in a regular season game? Come one! I mean...it has nothing to do with the fact that that was like 10 years ago and that Michael Jordan was on the team. No way. It has nothing to do with that man. This is bullshit. Get it? Bullshit. Oh well. At least we beat the Trailblazers and the Sonics. Do the Sonics still have Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp? Damn, Clyde the Glide is pretty sick too.

DDS is Charles Brown's thing

Man, peep charles brown dds pc!

I ain't talkin' about the cartoon...but Hayfield Dental Care is the ish. They have been serving residents of Alexandria (and surrounding areas) since...duh-duh-duh: 1987! Sick! They have dentists who have gotten advanced OR specialty training. What does that mean? They can perform almost any procedure!!! (without another office's referral). They got mad experience yo. Who is the man there? Charles Brown...DDS! He has been there 10 years mayne! He has done millions...well, maybe thousands of crown, root canal and surgical procedures dog. That's with a perfect record. The Virgina Board of Dentistry is happy with this dude. No complaints. He graduated from the Medical College of Virginia and has received numerous awards.He got the Academic Achievement Award. He was ranked 1st in hi class in 96! That's only 10 years ago!!! (11) And in '97, he got the Quality Care Award and Resident of the Year! He's already listed as one of the regions top dentists. By who? Oh...just the Washington Area Consumer Council (WACC)...that's all. Bam! Yes, Kevin McCallister...he is a member of the ADA. Hook it up at hayfield yo.

Rendezvous

In the latest issue of GQ, I found out about this insane film, "Rendezvous," by french filmmaker Claude Lelouch in which he drives at speeds up to 130 miles per hour through basically all of Paris in less than 9 minutes, running red lights, almost hitting pedestrians and basically with a death wish, giving you a complete tour of the tourist sites, albeit a blurry one. It's a very simple idea, but it's incredible to see. Definitely not something to try at home, but something to watch the grainy version of on YouTube, or to find a more, clear bootleg copy of somewhere on the streets.

Souper Bowl

I don't know about any of you. No seriously, I just don't know about any of you sometimes, but Peyton Manning is the best actor on television right now. His commercials are more entertaining than most of the shows on right now. Really, the only thing left for me, would be if he joined the cast of Lost (who got screwed in this year's Emmy's by the way) and I would be set. Anyway, I don't really have much else to say. The proof is in the pudding...wait a minute...JELL-O...that's it. Peyton Manning and Bill Cosby? That's it! That's how I can jumpstart my career! I can write a JELL-O commercial for Peyton Manning! Its got to work! Alright, while I do that, check out these brilliant commercials. I haven't even included the new awesome one on ESPN featuring Eli.

Ron Artest Used to work at Circuit City

Ron Artest used to work at circuit city when he played for the Bulls. Why? Who knows.

Want to save big money and get cach back...whenever you shop online? Sure...we all do...right? Then you need to know about Ebates. If you become a member with them, and shop with them, you can seriously save THOUSANDS on purchases you are already buying. And you can do it by following three, very easy steps:1. You need an e-mail address (easy).2. Membership is free.3. Always return to Ebates when you shop online, or download the Moe Money Maker (Moe will remind you.)You'll freakin' get 25% Cash Back on your purchases! ...and the best coupons and specials on the internet (web). They even get sales commission from their partners. Dogtastic! A lot of sites (lame ones) keep that money. Not Ebates yo. They turn your cash discount into a check and mail it to you! That's straight cash into the bank for you homie. Why pay full retail dog? Ebates gives you cash back at Circuit City. That's up to 25% at more than 800...count em, 800 popular stores! Even CNN is freakin' calling the use of Ebates "A No-Brainer"! Use Ebates bro. You'll never pay retail again man.

Oh yeah...

Did I mention that the Bulls lost to the Clippers last night. The Clippers. The CLIPPERS! WTF?

Oh well, at least they got a moral victory last night (tying it late in the 4th quarter after losing all game). Just kidding. It was pretty pathetic. Tim Thomas had a huge game. Sam Cassell used old-veteran-trickery to get a bunch of bullshit fouls called on Kirk Hinrich. Even with the shitastic play of the Bulls--they still had a chance to win...and they blew it. Kirk Hinrich had a flagrant foul, and the Bulls fell apart from there. Lame. I don't care how good the Bulls may be next year; I may not buy tickets.

Bulls Lose to Clippers, Tim Thomas

All right!!! The Bulls lost to the Clippers last night. More importantly, they let Tim Thomas bitch-slap him. That's right; the same Tim Thomas they ran out of town because of his shitty attitude and illegitimate children (who I'm pretty sure were at the game...who else would wear a Tim Thomas jersey?). Awesome! I'm pretty pissed right now to be honest.

I paid for good seats to the Bulls-Lakers earlier this season, and for last night's game against the Clippers. They lost both. They not only lost. They looked lethargic and not at all like the team I've seen on TV. Lame.